Palo Alto Joe

(AP) Palo Alto. The Palo Alto Housing Index ended sharply higher on news that the Chancellor of Public Art had banned a proposed bronze nude for the Holiday Inn grounds. A sculpture was demanded by Palo Alto, Inc. when it allowed the hotel to proceed with expansion plans. The final plans, however, must be approved by the Chancellor and he said the proposed nude " just doesn't do it for me." The news sent the local housing index up 10% as this decision fueled rumors that the Garden Committee may begin evicting Palo Alto residents who do not maintain their gardens. City officials denied the rumors but did state that a similar policy seems to have worked well in Menlo Park.

The housing index represents the value of the median home in Palo Alto, one of the highest home indices in the nation. Many Palo Alto residents have petitioned the producers of Yahoo!, a popular internet site, to include the PAHI (Palo Alto Home Index) in the stock portfolio section of Yahoo!. Many Yahoo! users customize this section to monitor their personal wealth.

In a related story, the Palo Alto Daily showed an artist's renderings of Palo Alto Annex, currently the city of East Palo Alto. The pictures showed how the impoverished area will look once the annexation is complete and all the current residents have been paved over. When the annexation proposal was approved last year, the PAHI soared. "Over Not Up" was the victory cry, referring to local ordinances that don't allow buildings above a certain height in Palo Alto, thus fueling the need to expand outward, or "over" Palo Alto's current borders.

Finally, the Council on Odor Improvement, voted not to follow the lead of several southern California cities and dictate the bathing habits of local residents. Instead, they voted to broaden a city ordinance that requires people smoking on city streets to be in constant motion. "It seems logical", said a councilman who wished to remain anonymous. "We have a law that says if you are smoking outside, you must keep moving, in order to diffuse the smell. We have this law because cigarette smoke stinks. Therefore, it only makes sense to adopt the same approach to people whose personal odor, or odor caused by their cosmetics, is unpleasant or harmful." The councilman did not wish to comment on whether the law would be extended to people who have gastro-intestinal problems, or the restaurants that cause those problems. The vote was taken after the PAHI had closed for the day, so analysts predict a small lift when trading in home futures resumes tomorrow.